


A Chance Meeting with Mistress Duncan

by Lenny9987



Series: Lenny's Imagine Claire and Jamie Prompts [20]
Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2016-10-09
Packaged: 2018-08-16 13:44:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8104624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenny9987/pseuds/Lenny9987
Summary: Prompt: In the book Jamie tells Claire that Geillis told him that she was barren, and I always wondered how did that conversation come about.





	

Claire hadn’t seemed very surprised—or disappointed—when her monthly courses arrived shortly after their return to Leoch. Jamie had smiled and feigned relief as best he could though he had probably landed somewhere around resigned. So early in the marriage it wasn’t out of the ordinary and given the circumstances surrounding the marriage—not to mention his own restricted prospects… perhaps it was best for the two of them to have more time just the two of them before adding the worry—and strain—of a child to the mix.

Jamie desperately wanted to have children with her—could already picture their son with his stocky frame and her whisky eyes, their daughter with her unruly curls and his stubborn chin—but Jamie wanted Claire to be as excited about the prospect of their children as he was.

The second time her courses came she seemed a little less relieved, which he counted as progress. They were able to talk about it more comfortably than before.

It was probably a good thing. Until a proper pardon could be secured through the Duke of Sandringham—who would be arriving at Leoch shortly in response to Colum’s invitation—there remained too much chance that they would be forced to go on the run, flee to France, travel further north. That was no life to burden a child with if it could be helped.

But they weren’t trying to help circumstances along one way or the other and soon it would be three months since they’d wed and Claire showed no signs that her courses would be disrupted this month either.

Alec let Jamie off early at the stables after a particularly rough time with Donas—the horse had broken loose from Alec several times leaving Jamie the dangerous task of catching and coaxing the put out stallion. Jamie found that Claire was missing from both her surgery and their rooms.

“Have ye seen Claire?” he inquired of Mrs. Fitz, busy at work in the kitchen preparing supper and for the grand feast that would coincide with the Duke’s arrival.

“Mistress Duncan came by wi’ a packet of spices for me,” Mrs. Fitz informed him. “Claire went wi’ her to fetch a few plants and things to resupply I suppose. Dinna ken where they can have got to that she’s no back yet.”

“Thank ye,” Jamie said before heading back out in search of his wife. He didn’t like the idea that Claire spent so much time with Mistress Duncan—there was something about the woman that made the hair on the back of his neck stand stiff. He understood that the woman had been one of Claire’s earliest friends at Leoch but surely enough of the folk in the castle had come around to her by now that she could distribute her time and attention more discreetly.

Asking about the castle yard, Jamie was able to discern where they must have headed.

He was near the brook when he spotted a lone feminine figure coming towards him—it was Geillis Duncan; Claire was nowhere in sight. His pulse quickened with a small twisting of fear in his stomach as he moved to intercept Mistress Duncan.

“Mrs. Fitz told me you and Claire had set out together,” he said by way of greeting.

“Aye, so we had,” Mistress Duncan said, adjusting the basket on her arm. “She doesna ken what’s good for her and doesna listen to those who know better. We came across a Changeling child on a fairy hill nearby and she took it into her mind to—”

“I ken well enough what she’d take it in her mind to do,” Jamie interrupted already moving to get past Mistress Duncan to find Claire before she was found with the dying child.

Mistress Duncan made an odd noise somewhere between a laugh and a scoff. It pulled Jamie’s attention back to her briefly. She looked pointedly away from him with her brows raised and he knew that only more trouble would come from continuing the conversation.

“Thank ye, Mistress Duncan,” he attempted his goodbyes but she acted as though she hadn’t heard him.

“I ken it’s part of her nature as a healer but I think there’s more to it than that in this case,” Mistress Duncan remarked. “Her unfortunate… situation.”

He knew better than to take the bait but perhaps Claire had said something to Mistress Duncan that she wasn’t yet ready to voice with him; he _knew_ that there was some secret Claire guarded fastidiously and he had promised himself he wouldn’t press her on the matter—they allowed for secrets in their marriage, after all, so long as they didn’t become lies. But Claire considered Mistress Duncan her friend and had for longer than they’d been wed; perhaps it was a matter she trusted with such a friend (though given Mistress Duncan’s apparent willingness to discuss it, he wasn’t sure that trust was well placed).

“Situation?” he murmured with his eyes narrowed and hesitant.

Mistress Duncan drew up with feigned surprise. “Ye canna tell me she hasna told ye? And you her husband,” she tsked before curling her body conspiratorially towards Jamie. “She’s barren. Try as she might wi’ her first husband, she couldna give him a child.”

Jamie felt his heart leap to his throat and struggled to keep his features immobile.

“I thank ye, again, Mistress,” he said calmly. “But I must find my wife… to help her back to the castle as it’ll be coming on nightfall soon.” He gave her a slight inclination of his head before turning his back on her and whatever else she might say intent of watching him squirm.

Could the woman be lying? He wouldn’t put it past Mistress Duncan to stir up trouble simply for the pleasure it gave her. But whatever he might think of her, she _had_ been a good friend to Claire and he didn’t think she would turn against Claire in such a way. Besides, there had been plenty of signs of that particular truth that he’d simply been too reluctant to see and admit. He knew that she’d been wed before and that she’d no children from that marriage—he hadn’t wanted to possibly cause her further pain by asking whether it was the result of never having borne them to begin with or if she’d lost them as she had her husband. The fact that she’d not been surprised further supported that she knew and had been reluctant to tell him.

He could kick himself for what she must have felt in the face of his own disappointment and quiet hope that perhaps next time would prove different—a hope poorly covered with his talk of it being better for the time being. Was it any wonder that she hadn’t been able to bring herself to tell him?

Jamie stopped in his tracks, the breath leaving his lungs in a rush as his chest constricted suddenly and painfully.

They would never have children. He would never be a father. He would never teach his son what it meant to be a laird, would never teach his daughter how to dance, would never sit beside Claire in their old age as their grandchildren played before the hearth.

He felt tears prick at his eyes. Everything he had done so far towards clearing his name had been so he could return to Lallybroch with Claire, so they could raise their family there in peace. There would be no family there now, not with Claire.

But there _would_ be Claire. He had only wanted children in the abstract before he’d met her. Since marrying her they had become tangible in a way, a way that had as much—perhaps more—to do with Claire than himself. He couldn’t think, now, of any other woman carrying his children—didn’t want to think of it.

He drew a deep steadying breath. If he couldn’t have children _with_ Claire, then he would learn to live with the knowledge. It would take time to get used to the idea and no doubt there would be moments when the knowledge would feel as fresh as it did in that moment, but he and Claire would find their way forward together.

With renewed resolve, Jamie set off again in pursuit of Claire, directing his steps toward the fairy hill Mistress Duncan had mentioned.

Jamie tried to remember the days of his youth when his mother was still alive. Mostly he remembered the smiles she and his father frequently exchanged. He remembered a bit of that last fatal pregnancy of hers and felt the familiar pang of loss. His father’s pain had been sharper than his own. And then the loss of his brother Willie, too—the two deaths almost blended one into the other in his memory, they’d come so close together. If Jamie would never know the joy of fatherhood, he would not suffer the pain of such loss himself; Claire would be safe from that threat, at least.

The ground began to rise before him as he climbed the slope of the fairy hill.

If only he could keep her safe from herself.

She sat on the ground with her back against a tree, clutching a bundle—the dead child—to her chest and rocking it gently. He couldn’t make out what she was saying but he thought she might be singing. She didn’t appear to notice him drawing closer but her song ended and he could hear the wavering in her voice that meant she was fighting to speak through tears. Quiet and calm, she apologized to the child even as she readjusted its wrappings and stroked its cold cheek—a comforting gesture.

His heart broke for her.

She would have been a wonderful mother.


End file.
